p--rock’s blog

i'm hopeful and doubtful all at the same time.
sigh.

truly disrespected.

i hate it here.

My emotions have been down for the past day now that i'm back from my two weeks stay in Korea. I had the most amazing experience there. I met so many people from around the globe. I also feel like I appreciate the Korean culture so much that I'm willing to move my things and live there for X amount of years. Also, seeing Hannah with her students made me realize how much I would love to teach children or at least be around children. Even so, I would love to go back to my mother land. Just the thought of what Hannah is doing is something that I would want to do for myself. I would be lonely, but I know it's something I can deal with. But seeing Hannah and meeting her friends was a great experience. I never once felt left out or even felt intimidated by her friends. I felt like we were all friends and that wherever we were from didn't matter because we had fun together. I really enjoyed seeing Hannah again. Damn, she's so independent that it makes me so proud of her. Seeing how much Ms. Laura and the many students she teaches love her makes me so proud of her and makes me feel like doing the same thing (of course I'd rather go out there to do something that involves my studies)

My sister's there and I cannot write a lot about it because i've cried on and off about the fact that I already left Hannah and now I have to leave my sister. At least Bwa's keeping her company. Her clenchers are ever lasting now. As much as I miss my sister and Hannah, I know I'll see them during Christmas.

My last emotion has to deal with John Song. I've always had my guard up when it comes to guys because most of them are sneaky. I've been thinking like a guy that hell, look at me, I'm able to make out with random guys around the globe. But for some reason this guy just melted my heart. He could easily scam me, but whatever the moment felt nice. I think the idea of how we started talking seemed like it came from a movie. And I know Korean guys say: "I love you" as if their saying "I'm hungry" so easily, but for some reason I just have this feeling about the moment I met him, to us dancing, to him asking for my number, to us talking, and then making out. The only thing that sucks is that he works in Korea and has been working there for a year. His other home is Florida. So what are the odds of me and him ever seeing each other ever again? Realistically speaking, I doubt I will ever run into him. But the thought of dreaming that maybe I would run into him not soon, but in a few years time would be something from a sappy chick flick or a love story. I'm trying to think realistic here and figure that I really won't see him and that I should crush that dream/idea that I will. However, the many promises we said to each other that we'd see each other again still lingers in my head. I mean, who promises that they'll see me again in the next 5 years and that he'll take me to the movies and we'll hang out? And there I was sitting there promising it back because I was totally feeling this guy and our physical attraction for each other. But truthfully, at that moment I felt like I would see him again because I knew I was going to come back to Korea again. I simply reply that I hope to see him again and optomistically he says that I shouldn't hope because it will come true. That alone makes my heart melt. I don't know what to say, but this guy must be like Hitch because he got me on my toes (literally too. he's so tall!) Well I know I won't see him, but I'll keep dreaming that one day I will. I mean, bizou bizou and that's how it started.

the worst birthday i've ever had.
people not liking one another. people being too clingy. people getting on my fucking nerves.
there is one reason i do not have house parties and its because i do not like to deal with annoying people.

there were certain days during the night i wanted to cry.
i am so frustrated. the one thing that i am mad at is that the one person that has to piss me off on my birthday is the one that i am seeing. he embarassed me and was too clingy.

GODDDD

lately, i have been really passionate when it comes to my character. people tell me how i should accept the way my date is and accept certain things about him as a person. honestly, there is no point in saying something like that to me when you should understand that you should accept me for who i am. i maybe picky about certain things when it comes to a guy, but don't judge me off the bat and say i should learn to accept it. i'm sorry, but if that's the way my date is then that's the way he is.. and if i'm the way i am then i'm the way i am.. simple as that.

i get really fired up when people automatically assume i'm being a bitch when they don't understand what they are saying to me.

and i get really offended when people say how they are thankful their parents did not raise them up to listen to oldies music. i'm sorry, but when you ask me what kind of music i like and i tell you and you respond in this manner then don't say shit. cause after he had the nerve to respond that he knows music. how could he possibly know more music than me when all he knows is "rnb" and current music. most of his "rnb" is pop music. fucking guy has the nerve to say that current music is better. honestly, artists today were influenced by classics like aretha franklin, marvin gaye, stevie wonder, jackson 5, the temptations, the supremes, elvis, connie francis, etc. i then make my point and say that artists use beats from the classics or do remakes or take some of the lyrics. then here he is sending me a file from some random artist named Webbie (something like that) featuring Latoya Luckette called - Missing You. then he asks: give me a good example of how a current artist stole a beat from an oldie. And what do you know, his song he sends me was a stolen beat from I'm Missing You by Diana Ross. Freakin'-ing. I may not know that much music, but at least be open minded and don't ever offend me by saying something stupid like how you're lucky your parents didn't raise you with oldies music. honestly, i'm glad my parents raised me with good classical music. i may not like a lot of things, but at least i'm open minded to listen to anything.

not my type of guy. sweet guy, but not my type.
self explanatory.

out of all the days i've complained how lonely and pathetic i am... i finally get a date. and out of all the days, it has to be valentines day.

valentines day was the one day where i can have my own fun. my day where i can relax and know that no one will bother me because they are out with their significant other. and i was gonna plan on sitting at home watching sappy movies while eating ben and jerry's rocky road ice cream. ruined!

but honestly,out of all the guys that ask me out on a date, it has to be the one guy that's blah. but regardless, i'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. he's cute and nerdy, but that doesn't mean i like him.

nevermind. me and dating don't mix. i can't always be the one to initiate conversations.

and lately, i wish people can be more dependent and care free. who cares about rules. who cares about what other think. who cares if you look like a fool. who cares!

Is it true, me, a casual dater? Or at least a person that's on the verge of going on a date?
He called me today while I was at school. Luckily my class was done and he caught me during the right moment. He's pretty cool so far, but we'll see. It would be nice to get to know him a little better. Hmm, I should suggest to go to Starbucks with him and a bunch of his friends + Rina. Although, I think Rina wants to go dancing. I don't know we'll see. He said that I was doing some weird dancing shit, but of course he hasn't met someone who's willing to dance freely rather than standing around being boring or grinding up on a chick. Whatever. He seems really nice. But when we do meet, I'll bring a knife just incase he's a rapist. Who knows? Hahaha, I'm kidding.